Work in Progress: Time Spent Living After an Eating Disorder

Coming out about my own mental health history is always something I struggle with as a therapist. Worried about blurring boundaries with my clients, with colleagues, with the public at large. In the same mindset, I’m a human, I have human problems and there is no shame in that. So I’ve been slowly working on something that I don’t know exactly what it will become, but its my story and my sole home of telling my story is that others will relate, grow, feel connected, and find hope. So I’ve taken a small excerpt of what I’ve written and wanted to share it. Even if it helps one person, thats enough.

“When I finally minimized the time I spent thinking about food, and my body size, I had time to think about so many other important, inspirational, creative and fulfilling things that simply didn't have space in my life before recovery. I don’t want to convey that I’m a pro at intuitive eating says, but I do my best and this is a huge part of how I recovered and why I had more free mental space.

Full disclosure: There are some days I notice myself being worried about my weight, or whether I will look good in an outfit, or I compare myself to someone else, I’m not perfect. So this is me being honest with myself. I live in this dialectic space of recovery by reminding myself the whole world is obsessed with these things, so if I think about it, that doesn't mean I am out of recovery. My progress has allowed me to not have food and my body be my primary focus in life, and realize that my worth as a human isn’t attached to my body size. I feel confident that I keep practicing honoring my body, trusting myself and keep morals out of food then I have made progress and I’m in love with that progress. “

Suicide Prevention Awareness Week September 9th-15th

Suicide is often the last thing that people want to talk about. It often lives in the darkest part of our minds, and is linked with feelings of fear, shame, loneliness. Over the past few years, it does seem that people are talking about it more, more crisis centers are being established across the country. More teachers, managers, parents and professionals are being educated on the signs of someone feeling depressed, anxious, and/or suicidal. AND we must keep moving forward on building awareness about prevention.

Here are some simple things that you can do to help:

1. Ask! There has long been this myth that if you ask someone if they are suicidial that they will become suicidal, this is far from true, and most people will give you an indication on whether your suspicions are accurate when you simply ask: “Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

2. Keep them safe. If you are worried that you alone will not be able to keep a person safe bring them to a walk-in center, or the ER where trained professionals can monitor them, and help improve the individuals stability and safety.

3. Be connected. Often times when a person feels suicidal they are at a point where they feel that nothing will get better, and that no one can help them. Remind the person that they are not alone, and that support for their mental health is available.

4. Don’t judge, validate, Being vulnerable can be extremely difficult, do your best to express compassion and understanding for why the person feels the way they do. Offer support, rather than solutions in the moment.

5. Follow up. Ask the person how they feel, and do your best to ignore signs of them needing help.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741-741. You can reach Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860 (U.S.) or 877-330-6366 (Canada) and The Trevor Project at 866-488-7386.

How to Rekindle Old Friendships?!

I often find that people feel isolated, disconnected, and lonely. Making friends as young adult or in general any one that finds themselves uncomfortable with communicating with new people. So if you struggle to make new friends, one option is to rekindle friendships that either fell apart, grew distant or have barely started. Here are some quick tips to help build or rebuild friendships:

1. Start by just reaching out. Often times we think that we have to wait around for things to just develop or happen, in life and friendship it often pays to be proactive. If you don't call or text no one knows that you want to talk or connect with them. They may be waiting on you just like you're waiting them on. So stop waiting and pick up the phone.

2. Be the bigger person and apologize. Often times friendships can come to a screaming halt when neither person is willing to concede. Ask yourself, if being "right" really worth loosing a friendship over, is what you stopped talking over really that important, do you think that perhaps things are really a just a misunderstanding? Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, to let someone in. 

3. Diffuse any conflict with fun. Never avoid conflict just because you’re afraid to work through those issues at hand. Instead, address the problem before it gets out of control – but find a way to make it fun instead of taxing. Talk to them openly, and ask them how you can begin to enjoy each other again rather than fight. 

4. Pretend to get to know the person again.  Start new, rather than holding on toast hurt, assumptions or negativity, start by getting to know the person again as if for the first time, to help form a new, even stronger bond. 

Handling Back to School Jitters

I enjoy reading what others have to say about the topics I've been hearing most about in my office. Here is a great article from NPR about Handling Back to School Jitters

5 Ways to Help Teens With Anxiety/Dread with Going Back to School

This time a year in my office I see teens and young adults worried about returning to school after summer break. Things that teens may be saying and facing are thoughts such as:

• Who will be my new teachers? 

• What if my new teacher is mean, annoying, too hard on me?

• Will any of my friends be in my classes? 

• Will I fit in, will my social group change or have conflict? 

• Are my clothes, my backpack, my hair good? 

• Will I look stupid?

• Who will I sit with at lunch?

• What if I can’t understand the new schoolwork or homework?

Here are the 5 tips to Help Teens Deal with Anxiety/Dread

1. Avoid giving reassurance...instead, problem-solve and plan! Many times teens don't want to sit and talk for extended periods of time, so making it count can be important. They often time want to hear validation for their thoughts and feelings, perhaps even some action plan steps to problem solve. Focusing on what they are saying rather than what you think may might want to hear is a very valuable note when it comes to communication.

2. Role-play with your teen. This may look different than actually acting things out, it may be just asking them imagining how they want the stressful event to go, having them visualize it in their mind, of all the ways that it might go "wrong" and figuring out solutions and then all the way it could go "right" and all the success they can have.

3. Focus on the positive aspects! School can bring a teen a lot of go and fulfillment if they and you focus on how they will be returning to their sport activities, or theater, or simply seeing their friends more often than over the summer. Shifting a teens perspective to all the great things that come with school can truly help them focus on the positive aspects of going to school.

4. Let up on the pressure. Most teens have their teachers, parents, peers and themselves laying on the expectations and pressure. If you're worried about your teens performance ask them what their own expectations for grades are, or what they think is a realistic amount of time to study. Then, hold them to that, and if things need to readjust have it be a conversation rather than a "this is what I expect of you" sort of message.

5. Encourage them to ask for help. Teens can get it in their head they know everything there is to know, or see asking for help as a weakness or a burden to others. By having them think, feel and behave this way without intervention keeps them closed off and shut down. If they can see others ask for support and help often, you are modeling healthy communication skills, and boundaries. Your teen is still learning, just like everyone is, so forget the whole "I'm an island" mentality if you want to have healthy relationships with others.