How to Rekindle Old Friendships?!

I often find that people feel isolated, disconnected, and lonely. Making friends as young adult or in general any one that finds themselves uncomfortable with communicating with new people. So if you struggle to make new friends, one option is to rekindle friendships that either fell apart, grew distant or have barely started. Here are some quick tips to help build or rebuild friendships:

1. Start by just reaching out. Often times we think that we have to wait around for things to just develop or happen, in life and friendship it often pays to be proactive. If you don't call or text no one knows that you want to talk or connect with them. They may be waiting on you just like you're waiting them on. So stop waiting and pick up the phone.

2. Be the bigger person and apologize. Often times friendships can come to a screaming halt when neither person is willing to concede. Ask yourself, if being "right" really worth loosing a friendship over, is what you stopped talking over really that important, do you think that perhaps things are really a just a misunderstanding? Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, to let someone in. 

3. Diffuse any conflict with fun. Never avoid conflict just because you’re afraid to work through those issues at hand. Instead, address the problem before it gets out of control – but find a way to make it fun instead of taxing. Talk to them openly, and ask them how you can begin to enjoy each other again rather than fight. 

4. Pretend to get to know the person again.  Start new, rather than holding on toast hurt, assumptions or negativity, start by getting to know the person again as if for the first time, to help form a new, even stronger bond. 

Handling Back to School Jitters

I enjoy reading what others have to say about the topics I've been hearing most about in my office. Here is a great article from NPR about Handling Back to School Jitters

5 Ways to Help Teens With Anxiety/Dread with Going Back to School

This time a year in my office I see teens and young adults worried about returning to school after summer break. Things that teens may be saying and facing are thoughts such as:

• Who will be my new teachers? 

• What if my new teacher is mean, annoying, too hard on me?

• Will any of my friends be in my classes? 

• Will I fit in, will my social group change or have conflict? 

• Are my clothes, my backpack, my hair good? 

• Will I look stupid?

• Who will I sit with at lunch?

• What if I can’t understand the new schoolwork or homework?

Here are the 5 tips to Help Teens Deal with Anxiety/Dread

1. Avoid giving reassurance...instead, problem-solve and plan! Many times teens don't want to sit and talk for extended periods of time, so making it count can be important. They often time want to hear validation for their thoughts and feelings, perhaps even some action plan steps to problem solve. Focusing on what they are saying rather than what you think may might want to hear is a very valuable note when it comes to communication.

2. Role-play with your teen. This may look different than actually acting things out, it may be just asking them imagining how they want the stressful event to go, having them visualize it in their mind, of all the ways that it might go "wrong" and figuring out solutions and then all the way it could go "right" and all the success they can have.

3. Focus on the positive aspects! School can bring a teen a lot of go and fulfillment if they and you focus on how they will be returning to their sport activities, or theater, or simply seeing their friends more often than over the summer. Shifting a teens perspective to all the great things that come with school can truly help them focus on the positive aspects of going to school.

4. Let up on the pressure. Most teens have their teachers, parents, peers and themselves laying on the expectations and pressure. If you're worried about your teens performance ask them what their own expectations for grades are, or what they think is a realistic amount of time to study. Then, hold them to that, and if things need to readjust have it be a conversation rather than a "this is what I expect of you" sort of message.

5. Encourage them to ask for help. Teens can get it in their head they know everything there is to know, or see asking for help as a weakness or a burden to others. By having them think, feel and behave this way without intervention keeps them closed off and shut down. If they can see others ask for support and help often, you are modeling healthy communication skills, and boundaries. Your teen is still learning, just like everyone is, so forget the whole "I'm an island" mentality if you want to have healthy relationships with others. 

Starving for the Good: An Anorexic's Search for Meaning & Perfection | Elisabeth Huh

Finding these personal stories of recovery have been truly inspirational, which has encourages me to continue to share with you all!

Struggling with ED

Recently I've found it quite helpful for clients to separate the voice of their Eating Disorder from their own voice. To help personify this additional voice its often called ED in the world of Eating Disorder treatment, which I believe originated from the book "Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too" by Jenni Schaefer. 

By separating these two voices, the hope is that you can regain some power in your own voice, and remind yourself that its the ED that is telling you to restrict, binge, purge. over exercise etc.

An eating disorder becomes a relationship, and this relationship although abusive becomes whats closet to you, what comforts you when you feel out of control, and what can uniquely torcher you. This relationship can last for years like a nasty marriage that hides in the shadows of pain, isolation, and secrecy. Its never too early to divorce your relationship with ED, no matter how daunting it seems, hope is around the corner. 

Here are 5 steps you can take to separate yourself from ED:

1. Call it out for what it is, it's a painfully annoying relationship with your body, food, emotions and thoughts. Its an eating disorder

2. Seek out support from family and friends that are strong supporters 

3. Work to notice what thoughts are ED thoughts and what thoughts are your own

4. When facing an ED thought, think of what facts, evidence, proof you have to dispel the ED thought

5. Reach out for help from a professional